There are people making a very good living in Japan being clowns - the butts of many jokes, face-slaps and the like. I am not talking about myself - although change the bit about very good living and I might possibly fit the bill... This guy has made a career out of being tormented. Welcome to the first of 2 Spamurai TV specials.

He appears on numerous shows and is a comedian, but he is often made to do unpleasant tasks by tougher looking comedians! His name is Yama-chan. The look of apprehension on his face is stemming from the task at hand being explained to him...

Walk up a famous flight of 1000 stairs, with a different fruit sitting on every 100th step. Memorise the fruits and at the top answer the questions of your tormentors. Like, "say the fruits in order", "what was the 6th fruit?" etc. If a wrong answer is given, go back to the bottom and come up again... and again... and again (if need be).

Now the Japanese summer is kind of unforgiving. It's very humid and very hot. So try being Yama-chan in his pink suit and trademark thick bowl-cut and scarf. You can see the sweat soaking through his suit as he embarks on his 2nd or 3rd attempt.

I can't remember if this was a reaction of joy at his success or if it was to one of his failures, but note the relish on the face of the celebrity panel member. Japanese TV can't get away from the inset reaction shot. Some shows have one all the way through the program! Well, more of Yama-chan next time... now for some romance...

Meat. Sorry if you are a vegetarian, because meat is good... I mean because the sentiments expressed in this program would grossly offend you, as you have probably guessed already. As someone somewhere once said "if God had meant us to be vegetarians, then why did he make animals out of meat?". Can you argue with that? Hmmm. I recently had a meal of the world famous Kobe Beef (I mean that literally - that's all we ate... meat) and I must say, the hype is worth it. The whole "melt in your mouth" thing is true. I am yet to confirm rumours that the cows aren't exactly treated well (except for the massage and beer-drinking thing). I thought better to eat first and ask questions later (well, during actually - not me, but someone raised the question... a bit like asking if it's wrong to steal while making your get-away I guess).

Anyway, where was I? Romance. The girl on the left is a beef nut. Disturbing enough that she is dressed as a cow while taking these 2 normal girls on a yakiniku crawl, they earlier showed a tour of her apartment which is completely accessorised in cow print/cow themes. Wanting to be the thing that you love to eat... any psychologists in the house?

It seems strange to me that Japanese people love to watch people eat on national TV and don't mind being watched when it's a no-no in real life. You don't munch on the street or the train or in view of others at work. Well, you can but you'd be viewed as a bit of a slob.

Well, enough romance. Back to the geeks...

Like Yama-chan, this guy and his sidekick get their share of slaps to the head and danger-duty. They are called the Ungirls. I haven't a clue what the say but they're funny regardless.

If you're a guy being ugly can work in your favour on Japanese TV. Not so if you're a girl. All the girls seem to be really good-looking and a lot of the guys are anything but. So the rule is funny guys and cute girls. Beauty and the Geek.

I've only stuck this picture here in order to brag. I walked past this lady in Ginza in Tokyo - close enough to slap her in the head. But Osaka humour doesn't always translate well, so I held back.

I took these shots on my first holiday to Japan in 2003. I had hoped to see plenty more of this action during my living here, but unfortunately this show was a rare jewel.

RIP Matthew. Well, he's not dead, but his show is. You can see Bill Murray on this show in Lost in Translation. This guy is hilarious, but now you only see him on the odd panel show or commercial in a much more subdued form. sniff

Recognise this fella? It's Monkey! Yeah, he's still around the traps and looking darn good for his age. He has a show in which he cooks... with a good looking girl on either side for some banter and shouts of "sugoi!" (wow) and "oishii!" (it's delicious).

This was a show in which delicate tasks had to be performed using an earth-mover. My friend Masashi drives one of these things! They had to make tonkatsu (crumbed pork cutlet) and then slice it, and put shaving cream on a giant balloon and then shave it with a giant razor. I was glued to the telly.

Back to recent times. This is the foreign (shock horror) CEO of Nissan. I really like this short filler program in which he answers viewers' questions from a capsule toy vending machine. He does so with good humour and is a really sharp dude. I like him for 2 reasons. a) He gives intelligent answers that show not only his guile but also his integrity and b) he has nostrils as big as his eyes (and they're not small).

Well, mission control, this is Tranquility base. Last night I watched the first ever live high-definition interview from space. NHK (Japan's equivalent to ABC in OZ or PBS in the US) were talking to the astronauts aboard the Destiny space station and being given a weightless tour. I felt a little strange after that, crawling into my loft to go to sleep. Gravity was definitely working, but I felt a bit like one of those guys both in environment and location. There was a map of Japan flashing on the screen of every channel to warn of the tsunami up north and I was reminded of where in the world I am. Did you know nothern Hokkaido had a bad tornado recently? I had no idea Japan had them at all.

Anyway... I have written far too much as usual. Thanks for making it through (^-^)

night