*note: the post below this one is newer. I started it before this one and I don't know how to change the date of its publishing... we now return to our regular program...

Missed photo opportunities of the last few days:

A Honda Goldwing bike (big touring bike) covered with flashing lights and playing loud music, being ridden by a middle-aged guy wearing a CHiPs-style Helmet. So that's what Eric Estrada's up to these days. (If you're too young to know who I'm talking about, then boo to you).

A fully chromed dumptruck. Fwoar! Many work trucks here are big and shiny with chromed panels, but this one was completely chromed. They also have very aggressive sounding exhaust systems and extended front bumpers. The crazy, moving neon light show trucks, or decotora, are sadly very rarely seen... well, by me, anyway.

3 Woodytown wagonists hanging tough beside their vans, all white. Yes, that's right - the bad boys of Woodytown! One Estima was about an inch off the ground and had at least 8 LCD televisions all showing the same images. What a waste of money... but kind of cool - the van itself looked unreal. Ok, this time I admit I had my camera in my bag, but would you really want to be seen taking flash photos of the Woodytown Massive?

Well, tomorrow a million photo ops are awaiting. I'm heading to Kyoto to see the autumn leaves which are peaking right now. It's raining at the moment and forecast for tomorrow, but with a hiatus forecast from late morning until 6pm, just when I plan to be there. I'm madly trying to plan my itinerary - there are so many temples and shrines to see. Anyway, what am I doing writing this here? I am currently blog-addicted, if you hadn't noticed. Sorry to be so convinced of my own interestingness...

HOTRODDING HIROSHIMA

Last time I wrote about missed photos of automotive oddities (see above... the website is posting these two out of order because I started creating this post earlier). Below are some shots I'm really glad I got. We are back in Hiroshima this issue. I stayed in a complex meant for students, but if you have a foreign passport they allow you to stay there. The room you get is basically a hotel room, half price. Sweet! It's also on the same delta between 2 rivers as the A-bomb peace park, so it's only a short walk away. I went out in search of dinner when I happened upon some beautiful creatures sitting kerbside...

A ratrod 1935 Ford Pickup and a 1929 Ford 2Door. Incredible. How cool is the slanted front grill, covering the number plate?

Works of art. The shop they come from is called Pumpkin Sally in Kanagawa. This thing has been pieced together from all sorts of makes and models. The body was sourced from the US, and then chopped and dropped into the stance you see here - a one-of-a-kind nostalgic speed machine. If you want to see pictures of it being made, check out the flash slideshow on the shop's site: www.pumpkinsally.com . They were were en route to a meet in Kyushu - the southernmost of the 4 main islands.

I was picking my jaw off the footpath. Nice pipes - who needs mufflers? How sexy are whitewall tyres!? And semi-gloss black paint! Ah!!! This one is called Heaven's Door.

This is the kat responsible. Tsuyoshi Sato. When I tried to speak to him in Japanese he said "Ah, English, please". When he asked me how long I'd been in Japan and I replied 1 year he agreed that I needed to study harder! haha. I mentioned my favourite magazines here and Sato-san said that they would soon feature the black Ford 2door. Lo and behold, next issues, there they were. And there were pictures of them at the Kyushu Hot Rides meet too. Earlier in the month, Heaven's Door ran a 14.65 second quarter mile at a speed trial - not bad for a car made from scratch using old tech know-how. These guys were looking for a place to stay, so not long after I spoke to them I heard the rods start up and drive past - awesome sounding cars - so raw.

(Click here if you want to hear what they sound like: http://www.vanpeltsales.com/FH_web/flathead_home.htm )

I continued on after having some ramen (Chinese style noodles) and into the peace park. I crossed one of the rivers and stood before a familiar landmark, although it was presented anew in the eerie wash of night lights...

It is strange to think that had you been there 62 years before, on August 6 at 8:15am, that you would have been vaporised in an instant. The museum gives you a very gritty picture of how it was at that terrible moment - the science of it and then the horror of what immediately and much later followed it. Some stories are heartrending. In less than a second from a nucleus of a single atom a reaction caused a fireball hotter than the surface of the sun to engulf everything within hundreds of metres. Beyond that was the shockwave, the violent wind resulting from air rushing back into the vacuum left by the blast, radiation and secondary fires. Standing there I couldn't imagine it and still can't. It's the sort of thing that you expect to feel when you're there, but it's too much to try and process. I somehow found it more surreal to see a street-car stop called Genbaku Domu-mae (A-bomb dome).

Hiroshima Prefectural Products Exhibition Hall, it's former name, was the only thing left standing at Ground Zero, and for hundreds and hundreds of metres around. The bomb went off 580 metres up in the sky to increase the effect of devastation, but because this building was beneath the blast the force was mainly downward, so many of its walls survived. The dome did too, but you can see the deformity of the metal braces, resulting from the intense heat of the blast.

The building, built in 1915, must have been quite grand in its day.

At night it takes on a more tomblike appearance, although even at 11:30pm there's life around it. It's a peaceful place - I recorded the sounds of people passing by, a couple of friends practising a song with a guitar, the river flowing idly by.

Below ground in the park is a memorial hall - kind of an ecumenical shrine, I guess. The image on the walls is a 360 degree panorama of Hiroshima just after the blast, made up of 140,000 tiles - roughly one tile for each life taken.

An impressively explicit context is given for the dropping of the bomb in this memorial. You won't find such things expressed in Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo, that's for sure!

Well said.

A wall of screens show the images of those claimed by the bomb. It was a very hard task to work out who was killed as government records were, along with everything else around, obliterated. Above are just some of those killed with the family name Takeda.

This mound contains the ashes of 70,000 unidentified people.

Life and death for those on the outskirts of the blast were miserable. Many must have wished they had been at the centre of it, rather than endure the pain of burns, radiation sickness and disfigurement.

Bottles melted by the bomb.

Sorry for the morbid details. Life goes on in Hiroshima. It's a beautiful city - I like it a lot.

Is it ironic that it was just near the hypocentre of the bomb blast that I should meet some prime Japanese examples of American kar kulture fanaticism? Nah! (Nice touch with the Rising Sun battleflag on the Pickup. I think Sato-san knew what he was doing there).

Japan, on the whole, looks to America with loving eyes.

The local baseball heroes are called Hiroshima Carp! I caught these guys (just with my camera, that is) in a pond downtown.

This would have to be the wackiest location I've seen for a shrine so far! Not exactly one for the travel brochures. Yes, the city has been rebuilt!

Okay, that's it for Hiroshima from me. What next? Hmmm...

Welcome to the United States of Japan.

USJ. Well, ok, it stands for Universal Studios Japan. Caroline (from HK), Sue-yen (from Oz), Rebecca (Oscar's gf from the UK) and I went to USJ (how's that for over-use of acronyms). Sue and Caroline are in the picture, Rebecca got accidentally deleted!

Shrek and Fiona were there along with a horde of others. I took a day off work, so it was a Thursday - I can't imagine how the crowds would be on a weekend.

Is that Shmoo from the Herculoids!? (You know what I'm talking 'bout, right Mark Andersen?) No... just a stylish patron.

Kitty and Daniel were there to say happy birthday (tanjoubi omedeto!) to all the little tykes who had them that month. These cats and the Hello Kittymobile were the only evidence you that were in Japan. Well, aside from the many Japanese people, Japanese signs and announcements... apart from that, it was very much a big slice of Americana...

I've never been to America, but do I need to now!? All that was missing from this scene was the Manhattan skyline in the background.

Oh, and 10 million Americans or whatever it is in New York and traffic and skyscrapers and hotdogs and real culture and... ok, it's a stretch to say I've experienced New York... But maybe it's as close as I'll get without leaving Osaka! haha

In little dioramas like this I can understand the Stars and Stripes. But the myriad of them at the front gates to the whole place is a bit much. It looks a bit like the entrance to a temple of the Cult of America. I may have hit on something there. Anyway, I admit... it's good fun.

How cool are these things? I'd love to eat some real American grease in a real one, one day.

I groaned at the sound of a Halloween parade, but it was pretty impressive. The pumpkins were especially good.

Yes, I enjoyed the pumpkins.

There were some very clever costumes. The choreography was also very good.

These guys were great! Very Alice in Wonderland. They'd separate and then form into a caterpillar again.

Bungee frogs.

I'm not sure what danger money the frogs were getting paid, but this guy should have been getting double. Visibility factor... not high! Dancing on the edge of the stage...

Speaking of danger, you can swim again in Amity. Jaws has been taken care of. The ride itself was more funny than anything else. The boat's driver/captain/pilot/whatever was hilarious. She had great reactions and was handy with a grenade launcher, too! Towards the end though, she kept shooting at the shark and nothing was happening. Hammy fun!

How cool is this?

I'm not sure if there's much point in posing beside a movie car you know isn't the real one, but it still must be done, right? The Delorean... The flux capacitor... drool. I'll admit that the Back to the Future ride made me feel quite sick. I'm not made of the same stuff as Marty McFly. I remember as a kid wanting to be him. I wanted his jacket, his hair, his black pick-up truck with yellow fog lights and his girlfriend. Haha!

The Dark Lord himself. But no, not USJ. Back to school! This is Satoshi, who won my prize for best costume during Halloween week.

I'll give ye a taste of me blade. Here I am doing what I've been dreaming of doing for about a year now (just kidding!). We have a soon-to-be-headless-Hideki, a pirate, a ghost, Lord Vader and a kid dressed as a Yusuke who's really bored and way too cool for dress-ups. I think the last outfit was the most convincing.

Now here are some good sports! My manager Risa-san, and teachers Akiko-sensei and Takako-sensei.

Shiver me timbers! It's a wolfman. Awoooooooo!

This is Kimika, the heartbreaker. Well, she breaks my heart, anyway. Maybe I should say she destroys my lesson, but she's a good kid. She can act like you're the best of friends and then turn around and do the whole I-hate-teacher routine. Outside of class she's really cool, but inside she's a bit of a terror. sigh... I will really miss her.

Well keel-haul me and call me a barnacle if it isn't the calendar shot of the month. Look at those cheeks. That cute pose. Now look at the little girl! This is Tamaki. She is awesome. So smart. So happy. So helpful. So willing to repeat everything you say. Wear that crown! Her mum made the dress.

This girl scares me. She is heaps more mature than me. More organised than me. More disciplined than me. Not hard, I hear you say. Nanoka dances 5 nights a week. She doesn't go to juku (cram school), like most kids her age, but she's advanced. She is very patient with teacher!

The girl standing is my youngest student. She just turned 3. Her little sister also came along in her best dress. Too bad I made them walk the plank. Way too cute.

One last Halloween shot. The pumpkins have made way for Christmas paraphenalia. I'm bracing myself for the coming silly season of busyness (yearly tests followed by Christmas lessons) and freezingness, so I've been posting a lot of spam while I can. Til next time...

I wrote before that crawling into my loft to sleep has a bit of a spaceman feel to it. That's nothing compared to the capsule experience. Yes, I gave the capsule hotel thing a try. The perspective in the photo above looks a bit Picasso-ish because it's about 5 different photos stitched together. I needed a wide angle lens to take in my tiny surroundings properly. The striped part is just a light cloth screen covering the opening where you climb in and out, so sounds easily travel in and out of the capsules. I had my hand over the speaker on my camera to muffle the tell-tale click (I can't read a lot of the onscreen instructions on my camera, so I don't know how to turn the sound off). Everyone else in the place seemed like they were regular capsule dwellers and I didn't want to be noticed as the weirdo taking photos.

I really felt like I was in a place somewhere between a hotel, the spaceship from Alien, a mortuary and a hospital. You may have gathered that I didn't exactly like it. It was depressing. From the time you pay your money and get given a velcro wristband with a locker key and barcode on it you feel sub-human. Then you walk in to the locker rooms where you find your number and open the door to swap your clothes and belongings for a yukata robe to sleep in. You're surrounded by other men (no women allowed) of various ages, but many with the look and smell of having been drinking and smoking, then having had a shower and bath. These are young guys who've planned to go out together past the time of the last trains - and the young and old who've worked late, drunk late and then found themselves a place to crash. One old guy came in with dried blood on his head and clothes. I thought, man... what am I doing here?

The place I went to was right near the various Umeda stations - the northern entry point to big city Osaka - basically the hub of the city. The hotel also had a bunch of different spas on the first few levels, with a sign saying no one with body-markings allowed - to guarantee patrons they would be in a yakuza-free zone. I admit feeling a little afraid of what I was getting into! The reason I stayed there, rather than simply going home was that I met my friend Caroline just after she arrived from the airport and I knew that after finding her hotel that I would be pressed for time getting the last train. The trip is also so expensive that I knew a caspule would cost less than going home and coming back in the morning... we were going to Kyoto the next day and it's only 30 minutes from Umeda. So the capsule hotel, being right behind Caroline's hotel, made sense. But yeah... I think once was enough!

Caroline standing on the top steps of the Kyoto Station building. It's a very modern hotch-potch of styles and shapes - some love it, some hate it. I like the space but it's not exactly convenient to navigate or commute through.

We headed for the golden pavilion - Kinkakuji, to the northwest of the city. We caught it just in time to see the sun glinting of its gilded panelling. There aren't many other things around Kinkakuji so it's a bit of a pain to get to, but it's kind of compulsory viewing if spending any real length of time in Kyoto - it's beautiful.

This is Daimonji-yama just near Kinkakuji where fires are lit to form a huge character of dai (big) during the August Obon festival. Many fires and lanterns are lit to guide spirits of the dead to their homes and then back to the hereafter, but the most celebrated are this one and the bonfires on four other mountains that surround the city, forming other large characters. And guess who started this tradition... the same Kobo Daishi that lit the fire on Misen-zan on Miyajima Island (see a few posts ago). A bit of a pyro, wasn't he?

We move now to Nijo Castle. I really enjoyed this place - it was my first time here. There's no traditional-looking tower with a castle keep - it's more of a complex of single storey buildings with incredible painted screens and ceilings - with all the cool stuff - you know, dragons, pine trees, cranes, tigers, mist etc. Highlights for me were the nightingale floors, designed to sing out a warning as you step on them and the room where the shogun sat and received visitors (with a troop of samurai armed and ready, sitting on the other side of the screen next to him!).

Another highlight was this roof.

Oh, and this gate.

And this roof...

and these bits.

We had some matcha, or green tea and a sweet served to us in a garden tea house. The tea itself is quite bitter, so the sweet goes well with it.

We had a stroll around Gion and speaking of tea - this ochaya or tea house is a famous one. I'm told that should you have the right connections to be entertained here for an evening by maiko, geisha etc, it will set you back about 1 million yen (over AU$11,000).

Another ochaya.

One of Kyoto's thousands of shrines and temples. This temple was near Gion, but I don't know its name. It's tucked inbetween shops in a busy street.

Same place.

This is part of the famous Yasaka shrine of Gion. The Gion matsuri (see post with tall wagon things going through the streets) stems from here.

I like lanterns.

From temples and lights back to tea...

Caroline and I saw this amazing set used for tea ceremony in Kobe. We were on our way to the harbour, going through an underground mall when we noticed an ikebana (flower arrangement) exhibition. The lady curating quickly invited us to sit and have tea.

The whisk is used to make powdered green tea frothy. I really like the canister thing - Japanese lacquer looks so edible!

There was nothing for sale - just kindness given. It really made our day. The tea and sweet were better than the one we'd paid 700 yen for in Kyoto and we were made to feel like honoured guests. A world apart from the capsule experience which was the start of this mini-holiday (i.e. weekend!).

I'm not sure how into flower-arrangement you are, but there were some cool designs. These were my favourites...

Well, next up is my visit to Universal Studios. Somewhere I hadn't planned on going to, but it was a lot of fun!

I went back to the local shrine for the 4th time today (I walk past it on the way to work) and took yet more photos. The leaves were another shade of orange and red and a few trees were primary yellow. Tomorrow is a national holiday (I loooovvveee November in Japan) and I'm off to see some local festivities with my mate Oscar. We're then heading back to see my friend Kazuya who lives behind in the sushi restaurant to then go sing some karaoke!

When in Rome...

A brief epilogue to the previous 2 posts before beddie-byes...

Funnily enough, apparently Yama-chan isn't very funny.

After an admittedly small survey I have to report that he is funnier to those that don't speak his language than to those that do. Oh well... more power to him, I say... I like his style.

THE TORMENTS OF YAMA-CHAN

I don't know what the significance of the the number 176 is, but there is a regular segment in which people like Yama-chan must complete a task related to that number. The prize is 1,760,000 yen. Here the picture tells you what the deal is - keep your face in there for 176 seconds!

This is brilliant televsion. What idiot would sit there drawing 12 drawings for every second of animation, when all you need to make TV is a camera, some lights, a creme caramel and a victim? Keep that sucker on hands-free for 176 seconds and you've cleared another stage. This is Yama-chan's partner in humiliation, Shizu-chan. Together they are a comedy team called the Nankai Candies.

Uh-oh. 21 seconds have elapsed and Shizu-chan's got a dessert nesting in her eye-socket.

Well may you laugh Yama-chan, but you're next...

Yama-chan strikes a stylish pose while guiding his creme caramel away from his eyes...

only to find his ear.

Not long now...
woohoo! 2 seconds from victory. But the cash is at least another stage away. I have a feeling they never get their mittens on it. That would be like Gilligan getting rescued, now, wouldn't it?

Well, lastly 2 shots to make a comparison. Is Yama-chan moonlighting at my church, Crossroad?

Hmmm. Nice look from Mister Master Masa-sama.

Well, I have gone out of control, photographically speaking. The Autumn leaves are peaking in their colours and my trigger finger has snapped over 200 photos already this month... and I haven't been to Kyoto yet. The following are what I have taken...

I took detours to the local shrine on 3 different days to try and get the best weather and also to catch kids in their kimonos for the shichigosan matsuri, or 3/5/7 festival - a period when kids of those ages go to the shrine and parents ask for blessing upon their children. However it's more complicated than that - the kids are actually 2/4/6 because according to the old way of counting years a newborn baby was said to be 1. They look soooooo cute. However, I only plucked up the courage to ask one family for a photo. After all, each time I was already dressed for work and having a Japanese-salaryman-looking person want to take photos of your Japanese family might be a bit off-putting.

I also took a scenic walk with my mate Oscar along a disused railway line not far from here. The views were amazing and the tunnels were fun. One was pitch black. After a while we pulled out our mobile phones for light!

Before work on Friday I popped into one of neighbouring Arima Onsen's parks for some tea with a maiko and a geisha under the electric colours of the maple trees. No joke! The maiko was the very same one next to me in my summer festival post. I found out she's real! A real maiko. I won't be forgetting that little chat in a hurry.

Yesterday I was graced with a trip by car up north to the Japan Sea coast - my first time to see it. My new friend, Namiko, along with her friends Przemek and Kosuke, invited me to go and see a famous spot called Wakasawan. Unfortunately it was raining, but very pretty despite. I won't go into more details as I'll stick up some photos with notes soon. The part that I won't be illustrating is the visit we made to an onsen - or hot spring bath! I'm not much of a sport now, am I? (yes Mum, they're segregated, ok?)

(^o^)

There are people making a very good living in Japan being clowns - the butts of many jokes, face-slaps and the like. I am not talking about myself - although change the bit about very good living and I might possibly fit the bill... This guy has made a career out of being tormented. Welcome to the first of 2 Spamurai TV specials.

He appears on numerous shows and is a comedian, but he is often made to do unpleasant tasks by tougher looking comedians! His name is Yama-chan. The look of apprehension on his face is stemming from the task at hand being explained to him...

Walk up a famous flight of 1000 stairs, with a different fruit sitting on every 100th step. Memorise the fruits and at the top answer the questions of your tormentors. Like, "say the fruits in order", "what was the 6th fruit?" etc. If a wrong answer is given, go back to the bottom and come up again... and again... and again (if need be).

Now the Japanese summer is kind of unforgiving. It's very humid and very hot. So try being Yama-chan in his pink suit and trademark thick bowl-cut and scarf. You can see the sweat soaking through his suit as he embarks on his 2nd or 3rd attempt.

I can't remember if this was a reaction of joy at his success or if it was to one of his failures, but note the relish on the face of the celebrity panel member. Japanese TV can't get away from the inset reaction shot. Some shows have one all the way through the program! Well, more of Yama-chan next time... now for some romance...

Meat. Sorry if you are a vegetarian, because meat is good... I mean because the sentiments expressed in this program would grossly offend you, as you have probably guessed already. As someone somewhere once said "if God had meant us to be vegetarians, then why did he make animals out of meat?". Can you argue with that? Hmmm. I recently had a meal of the world famous Kobe Beef (I mean that literally - that's all we ate... meat) and I must say, the hype is worth it. The whole "melt in your mouth" thing is true. I am yet to confirm rumours that the cows aren't exactly treated well (except for the massage and beer-drinking thing). I thought better to eat first and ask questions later (well, during actually - not me, but someone raised the question... a bit like asking if it's wrong to steal while making your get-away I guess).

Anyway, where was I? Romance. The girl on the left is a beef nut. Disturbing enough that she is dressed as a cow while taking these 2 normal girls on a yakiniku crawl, they earlier showed a tour of her apartment which is completely accessorised in cow print/cow themes. Wanting to be the thing that you love to eat... any psychologists in the house?

It seems strange to me that Japanese people love to watch people eat on national TV and don't mind being watched when it's a no-no in real life. You don't munch on the street or the train or in view of others at work. Well, you can but you'd be viewed as a bit of a slob.

Well, enough romance. Back to the geeks...

Like Yama-chan, this guy and his sidekick get their share of slaps to the head and danger-duty. They are called the Ungirls. I haven't a clue what the say but they're funny regardless.

If you're a guy being ugly can work in your favour on Japanese TV. Not so if you're a girl. All the girls seem to be really good-looking and a lot of the guys are anything but. So the rule is funny guys and cute girls. Beauty and the Geek.

I've only stuck this picture here in order to brag. I walked past this lady in Ginza in Tokyo - close enough to slap her in the head. But Osaka humour doesn't always translate well, so I held back.

I took these shots on my first holiday to Japan in 2003. I had hoped to see plenty more of this action during my living here, but unfortunately this show was a rare jewel.

RIP Matthew. Well, he's not dead, but his show is. You can see Bill Murray on this show in Lost in Translation. This guy is hilarious, but now you only see him on the odd panel show or commercial in a much more subdued form. sniff

Recognise this fella? It's Monkey! Yeah, he's still around the traps and looking darn good for his age. He has a show in which he cooks... with a good looking girl on either side for some banter and shouts of "sugoi!" (wow) and "oishii!" (it's delicious).

This was a show in which delicate tasks had to be performed using an earth-mover. My friend Masashi drives one of these things! They had to make tonkatsu (crumbed pork cutlet) and then slice it, and put shaving cream on a giant balloon and then shave it with a giant razor. I was glued to the telly.

Back to recent times. This is the foreign (shock horror) CEO of Nissan. I really like this short filler program in which he answers viewers' questions from a capsule toy vending machine. He does so with good humour and is a really sharp dude. I like him for 2 reasons. a) He gives intelligent answers that show not only his guile but also his integrity and b) he has nostrils as big as his eyes (and they're not small).

Well, mission control, this is Tranquility base. Last night I watched the first ever live high-definition interview from space. NHK (Japan's equivalent to ABC in OZ or PBS in the US) were talking to the astronauts aboard the Destiny space station and being given a weightless tour. I felt a little strange after that, crawling into my loft to go to sleep. Gravity was definitely working, but I felt a bit like one of those guys both in environment and location. There was a map of Japan flashing on the screen of every channel to warn of the tsunami up north and I was reminded of where in the world I am. Did you know nothern Hokkaido had a bad tornado recently? I had no idea Japan had them at all.

Anyway... I have written far too much as usual. Thanks for making it through (^-^)

night

No, I have not joined a cult.

No, it's not a pyjama party.

No, he's not crazy. He's a comedian.

This is Katsuura Kaishi. This form of entertainment is called rakugo. It's an old traditional form of comedy, though you often see it here on TV. I'm told you can tell by his name Katsuura that he's in rakugo, just as you can tell a kabuki actor by his theatrical name. I don't know if these comedians are born into it the way kabuki actors are (what if you're just not funny?).

Sanda International Association organised a Rakugo in English performance in September in the Kippy Mall (of heavenly toilet fame). Katsuura's first performance was in Japanese, but included some English as his theme was to do with the perils of being a Japanese person attempting to speak English with foreign people. (Koizumi greets Clinton not with "How are you?", but "Who are you?" to which Clinton replies "uh... I'm Hillary's husband" to which Koizumi replies "Oh! Me too!").

In rakugo the performer plays the parts of two or more characters to tell a story. I was very interested as both a person wanting a laugh and a person who does storyboard art - I want to learn how to tell stories better (being able to draw them or write them is one thing - acting them out is another... unfortunately my charisma factor is equal to a that of a turnip. Katsuura's was brimming). The performer's prop is nothing more than a fan. Here he is using them as chopsticks to eat a steaming hot bowl of ramen - a gag he often repeated. Japanese people love eating and love food - looking at it, tasting it and talking about it. A lot of kids characters are edible friends!

This story (done in English) was of a man trying to find a competent rickshaw driver. He was hilarious. Being able to conjure so many images and actions whilst sitting on a cushion and to keep the story flowing (in a second language) showed his mastery as a storyteller. The bare-bones stage highlighting this, and the gold screen showing how revered this sometimes bawdy form of entertainment is. (He did a gag about being the hentai professor of Kinky University - Kinki being the term for this region of the country.) It really is stand-up done sitting down.

omoshirokatta! ...funny.

"Welcome aboard the Shinkansen. This is the Nozomi superexpress bound for Hakata." A 700 series bullet train pulls into Shin-Kobe station, ready to whisk me away to one of Japan's 3 best views (I'm on a roll with top 3 things). I was hoping for the 500 series - a sleek, grey and blue rocket-shaped machine that just makes you go "fwoaaarrrr!", but I'm still pretty happy with this one! There are countless train designs in Japan - from local trains and subway cars to special mountain trains to these things - the ultimate in speed and efficiency.

This type goes about 285 km/h. It's fast, but I guess that speed alone doesn't sound overly impressive - like your garden variety V8 supercar or F-1 car. But when you consider the sheer mass of these things - this one stretching 16 cars to just over 400m long, and weighing 640 tonnes - it's incredible. They are just perfect. In a 16 car train there are 48 traction motors each putting out 275kw - that's 13,200kw. (OK, I am today unashamedly Geekus Maximus). They "get you there with time to spare". They are smooth, comfortable, impeccably clean and on time to the second. Yes, to the second. I can't get enough of them! I wish it was just a normal ticket price, but alas it's a rare treat at the prices they sell for. And I wish I was smooth, comfortable, impeccably clean and on time to the second... as opposed to dorky, uncomfortable, messy and late.

Here it is - one of the top 3 views of Japan. Well, at least a photo of the thing that is in the top 3 views of Japan. It's the famous torii of Miyajima Island, just off Hiroshima. The top view usually features it at hightide, surrounded by water. Scroll down for that. At lowtide you walk right out and touch it, but I didn't feel compelled to stick my hands on it.

So when and why are we here? It's September (yes, I'm slowly getting contemporary!) and I'm here for a round-about reason. My friend Sue (see last post - bye bye Sue) had on her to-do list to see Miyajima before returning home. She booked her trip and then got really sick. In her weakened state I grabbed her tickets, pushed her down the stairs to our apartment block, and left her to the frogs and locusts. (I bought her tickets off her and went instead- what a bummer she couldn't go... but it worked out for me.)

Her main reason for going was to see the peace park and A-bomb museum. I went there 2 years ago when I did my crazy whirlwind I-want-to-see-all-of-Japan-and-take-a-photo-of-every-inch holiday. I spent so long in the museum that I only left a short time to see Miyajima the following morning and I'd always felt I hadn't done it justice. So with this little excursion, I was free to see Miyajima properly. There's a collection of shrines and temples there... and...

The world's biggest rice scoop! I would have also liked to have seen the world's biggest bowl of rice. Somehow I don't think there will be many willing to try and take the title off this badboy. It's a nice little piece of Australia really - we love our oversize novelty attractions. Japan, you need giant fruit!

A beautiful painted panel in the rafters of a temple. Can you make out the samurai taking his horse across a river? Cool ne?

On the island is a mountain called Misen-zan. There's an expensive ropeway you can take to the top and back, or you can go it on foot. I stupidly opted to walk up and take the ropeway back. If you'd offered me 900 yen to do that I would've obliged. If you'd offered me 1800 yen to walk down too, I would've declined. But guess what? I unwittingly took the second offer, missing the last cable car and being left with no other option. Wah! Another 2.5km hike! The sun was going down, so I had to hustle.

When you're close to the top you get to this building which houses the Eternal Flame (of Bangles' fame!? ...or Cheap Trick?). This fire was reportedly lit hundreds and hundreds of years ago by Kobo Daishi - a very important figure in Japan and founder of the Chingon school of Buddhism. He started a very famous pilgrimage around the island of Shikoku to 88 temples that many devotees still reenact today. There is even a mini version around a smaller island with 88 smaller temples! Pilgrimage Lite!

You can hang wishes for all sorts of things on these wooden placards.

Or a plump little anxious dude.

This pile of stones made me feel like I'd climbed Everest or something! I had no Aussie flag to hoist, just my undies.

This was a curious little offering I spied through the lattice housing a shrine near the top of the mountain. Choice!

Well, finally at the very top I was treated to a glorious view. The weather was perfect, so I'm really thankful for that. Not bad huh?

This is for my brag book. I climbed 530m over 2.5 km in 45 minutes - with a cold! (And I'm wondering why I'm still sick. Thankfully work is a little slower again and I seem to be getting better after a long string of colds).

My humble thoughts at the time:

We Are the Champions, my friend, and we'lllll.... eh... what's that siren? ...oh it's coming from the ropeway station...

(a short run later...)

Oh. Crap.

I just missed the last one. (Eject Queen tape from brain. Insert Beck.)

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

One of the top 3 views of... oh I already said that...

Okay, back down the bottom and hightide is up. This tourboat seemed to endlessly hover right in the way of my shot, but in the end it made for a different type of view I guess.

Sans tourboat... sorry, many views to follow...

you feel compelled to take many...

and show many...

last one!

This is the back of my jimbei, as promised. Masashi said "I want you to take it back to your country." He doesn't have another one. Man, what do you say to thank someone for something like that! You can still see summer sweat on my neck. Okay, sorry verbal diarrhoea...

Just a bit more... fresh spam from tonight (Autumn!)...

"baka ne"
"no mother"
"Baka baka baka"
"no mother" (said emphatically)

I was just privileged enough to witness this little exchange next door in the sushi-ya. Mum was referring to her daughter, Sayaka: "Isn't she stupid." Sayaka replying in economical English "you're not my mother" or perhaps "you're no mother at all". "Fool, fool, fool". "No mother!".
This may sound like they have a horrible home life, but you had to be there to feel the love! I was kakking myself (as was ojiisan, or grandfather) - all was said with half smiles and cheeky loving looks between them.
At first I was a bit shocked by the way they speak to each other, but I now kind of get the way they relate! Sayaka's mum would say something like "gomen ne... baka" when her daughter was finding a bit of English difficult (meaning: I'm sorry, she's dumb!). But there's no harm done...
I also saw little Asuka-chan enjoying a hug with mum tonight when Sayaka pegged a wet hand-towel in their faces! No violent reaction - just an amused little tsk tsk type look. Classic. Sayaka's dad Kazuya-san will say of the family "we are fools"! I don't think you get much more salt-of-the-earth type people than the Urakado family of Arino-dai, Japan!

Peace! Ryo-kun gives 4 fingers up to Sanda matsuri. We only caught a little bit of it but enough to see a little fireworks action in the centre of town. I live about 20 minutes' train ride from here and work in Sanda one day a week. Ryo's parents Eriko (above) and Masashi took me and our friend Koji (above) to see some of my local festival.

Boom! The red one is actually a traffic light. Did you know the go light here is called blue, not green? I've read the official explanation why, but can't recall it now. They look pretty green to me!

Just as snow seems to make the icyness of winter that bit more worth living through, the fireworks of summer seem to make the heat that bit more bearable. We are now at a different display. West of Kobe is a place called Kakogawa. I heard that this one is a biggie, so I forked out the dosh for the train ride and saw what i could see. It was a good night.

Sorry, I know photos are never really up to it, but these are more for my benefit than yours, so there! haha. Kakogawa is a river, so I was among a huge crowd lining the banks. It was a nice community vibe, despite the numbers.

I've done a bit of fireworks display design work, yet I had never actually seen a large scale show up close before! It was great fun.

Tim Storrier would have liked this part (Australian painter rather partial to burning bits of rope. I'm rather partial to Tim Storrier's burning of bits of rope).

These bigger bursts were LOUD! I guess you can tell I'd never been to a big show before.

The crescendo.

The queue at the train station! Wah. I chose to go visit Mr Donut and wait a while rather than fight the hordes.

I said Sanda matsuri is my local. That's true, but a more local festival is Arima matsuri. I donned Masashi's jimbei, ready to fight more hordes.

Woohoo! No hordes, just a chilled little party by the river. Nice, huh? I met with friends Oscar and Taro and we had a nice little night out with some geisha...

Well, I'm not sure what the deal is with these ladies. They look like geisha and maiko (apprentices), but the details don't quite seem to be right. I'm guessing they are versed in traditional dance and the like, but they're not actually working maiko. Either way...

a dream come true! haha. I thought I was borrowing Masashi's jimbei. But later he said it was a gift. Too nice... it has a really cool design on the back - will show you later. Anyway, I love it!

There was dancing...

more dancing...

ladies...

more ladies...

and still more ladies!

You can see the nape of the neck is painted all the way up. I'm pretty sure maiko have a pointy shape around the hairline left unpainted. Is it disturbing I should know that? What was that word again...? Oh yes, sukebe (pervert) !

This lady was particularly graceful.

Her face was haunting.

Well, okay... out of focus! But I like these shots anyway - they do capture the magical quality of the night.

Back to reality. Welcome to my front yard - the path to the station. This is a view of summer. The green of the rice is so cool and inviting but in reality the air of this scene is hot and heavy.

This feels so recent, but it's all gone now. Grain harvested, chaff burned and ground plowed. Pests now homeless hop about being gobbled by bigger things, being stepped on and dying of old age (like a few months of life!).

Some other last views of the August summer. We had a summer event at school. This is me with a student who came with mum and siblings - all in their yukata. Behind us is a mural I did.

This is a shot from summer training. Teachers Miki and Sue-yen. Sadly Sue went back to her home of Perth about a month ago. We were in the same apartment block, so we saw each other a fair bit. Hey Sue, if you ever read this - you're missed!

Miki is a rock chick! At karaoke she doesn't need a mike, her voice is that strong - handy for teaching! She sang in a band for a couple of years and is really good. She even makes Linkin Park sound good!

Osaka's a workin' town! Well, take this lovely view in and recall it next time you're driving though the pristine national parks of Sydney, on your way to the northern beaches. This is the forest you see on the way to an Osakan beach! Ugly. But it always fascinates me.

This is a bunch of work friends from Osaka schools plus Taro. We all headed for a beach way south of the city, not far from the airport. In fact to the right of this shot out to sea you could see the reclaimed island that is Kansai International Airport. Not a bad idea - you never hear planes in Japan.

This looks like the cast of some Coke commercial or a Home And Away style show! haha. I think I'll call the series Baywatch - Osaka: Class of 06

Anyway, I'm writing all this wearing a padded jacket and with cold legs... so summer's a memory and winter's almost here. This morning we had a mild earthquake, but I missed it entirely - was fast asleep. Things are good, life goes on, home beckons.

LOCK, SHOCK AND 2-WHEELED BANDITS

One, two, buckle my shoe
Three, four, break the door.

Okay, it's supposed to be knock, but I prefer break. Lock would be even better, but in doing so tonight I broke the door. Yes, roughly a year after my first Japanese late-night locksmith call-out, I thought it was about time to do it all again. Woohoo. Well, there were some differences...

a) This time, it was the door at work.
b) This time it wasn't strictly my fault.
c) This time it was only one locksmith, not three (thankfully)
d) This time I got into my apartment by 2am, not 3am.

To expand on these points:

a) A new lock was recently installed on the building's front door. I didn't know that it has an auto locking function.
b) As per usual, I tried locking the door after exiting. The auto function seemed to be acting in reverse, and automatically unlocked the door after I locked it. I tried again and left the key in a bit longer. The auto thing went off and the key jammed in the door. Oh great! I panicked, called my friend Takako, took my phone to the convenience store, walked up to the guy at the counter and sheepishly handed him my phone motioning for him to speak to the person on the other end. He was cool about it and helped us look up a locksmith.
c) A really nice guy turned up much quicker than I'd been warned. He was really cool despite having a Daniel Powter ringtone on his mobile. Although I was having a "Bad Day". He got the door open pretty quickly and then fixed the lock so that it works properly. 13,650 yen later... ittai! (ouch)
d) I got away by 1:30! My last train had already gone so I braced myself for the walk home. It's not really that far, just boringly familiar... well, so I thought. Not this time!

I took about a dozen steps before I was confronted with an exciting little episode. I had been hearing a "car" driving around beeping frantically for a while. It sounded like a car horn, but I discovered it was a scooter. It had settled into the bus bay and was just doing laps honking constantly. Remember, this is at 1:30 in the morning. There were 2 people on the scooter.
I thought, wow, what brain surgeons do we have here? Waking everyone up just for the heck of it is a pretty neat trick. I soon realised that that's not the point. They were drawing out someone to play with...

A standard Echo policecar pulled up in front of me and then waited. Then a Zero Crown appeared a little way off - a luxury patrol car! Then they pounced - the Crown racing into one entrance and the Echo to the outside of the other, to try and head the scooter off. Needless to say, the scooter simply opted for the footpath and cut right across in front of me, a few metres away. They had bandanas over their faces! haha. Japan's a pretty safe place to play the tough guy. Anyway, I assume they got away. As I walked home the police were scouring the streets, sometimes chasing with sirens wailing in the distance most of the way home. Some guys were watching the whole thing in their pimped-out VIP car (a style of car where you basically get a luxury car and put big rims on it and body kits. The extreme examples have amazingly wide home-made wheel arches to cover your fully sick deep-dish wheels!) I couldn't tell if they were friends of the scooterists or just spectators. As the chase went on I heard a throaty car get in on the action, so maybe they joined in too. I think that's pretty risky, but what chance do the police have of catching a scooter? So... do I live in the country or what! Not a lot for bored kids to do.

Well, it's really late, but I wanted to redeem something from my crappy night and tell a bit of a yarn. Yarn was the aim, maybe yawn is the product! Is for me, anyway. Night...